I Just Don’t Have Time…Said Everyone!
How can therapy give me my time back?
We often extort time in the name of self-improvement and use it as yet another platform to judge ourselves and others by.
We have this misconception that our self worth depends on how we use our time. There is a misguided perception that if you use your time more efficiently, you will become a better person.
When we’re able to observe our difference in reasonable time management to obsessive time optimisation we can start to understand how time is a commodity we can begin to end the battle with.
Obsessive time optimisation has taken a toll on my mental health previously. No one, including myself, could move fast enough to meet my unrealistic demands for making the most of every minute.
I had the misconception that some of the activities I was doing were a waste of time, that I could make up for lost time or that if I did multiple tasks at once I’d somehow cure my disappointment.
The idea that something was a waste of time inaccurately assumed that I knew how my life will play out. However, because how we spend our time is linked to our values, there is no scorekeeper for time well spent, only the one we create in our minds. Relaxing, for example, is necessary for mental health, but time-obsessive people (like me!) often view it as a waste of time.
The myth that I could somehow get time back only served my insecurities of perfectionism and failure
Reasonable time management can be a good thing, and strategies for improving it can save jobs, relationships, and sanity. However, obsessive time optimisation can interfere with well-being, leading you to sacrifice your health and happiness to get as much done as possible in as little time as possible.
With this understanding, you can start befriending time as opposed to letting it be your nemesis. Consider the following strategies:
Show appreciation for the time-saving events in your life. There are obvious examples, like appreciating that you didn’t break your leg today, which saved hours you would have been sitting in an emergency room. There are also countless less extreme moments, such as remembering to pack an important item at the last minute. The gist of this strategy is to focus on what is going well.
Embrace non-productive moments. I have worked with clients so distressed by the free time that they responded with unhealthy behaviours, like doom scrolling or obsessive worrying. However, being unproductive can inspire creativity, and learning how to have fun can strengthen relationships. The trick is to be OK with such moments without labelling them as wasting time. Refocus on the thought that activities can be a good use of time solely because they feel good and help you relax.
Aim for good enough. Time optimization fuels unhealthy perfectionism. Ironically, perfectionism tends to sabotage time management. By choosing not to act on perfectionistic urges and aiming for “good enough” instead, you will feel less frustrated with how you spend your time.
Focus on social connection. If you want to tie your self-worth to something, express your value through pro-social behaviour. This doesn’t mean you need to have a lot of friends, rather, look for simple moments to share a connection, such as complimenting your barista or holding the door for a stranger.
Aiming for a sustainable life will lead to more contentment than striving for an optimal one. The way you perceive time is inextricably related to your balance and self-preservation.
If you’re struggling with how you view your time, your productivity or ways to find balance book an appointment with me at www.thinkful.com.au and together we can get you to your place of contentment.
